Battle Beasts

Wood, Fire, Water, and FUN

Hasbro and Takara Battle Beasts Line, 1986

　

If Hasbro is a family, with Transformers and GI Joe being the eldest siblings, and My Little Pony being the little sister, the Battle Beasts are the cousin who died tragically in a car accident last Labor Day weekend.

Toy companies are always trying to come up with something neat, innovative, and engaging to the ever-changing audience. But one thing that rarely changes is the assumption that you get one toy per package. Oh, sure, occasionally you’ll get a two-pack deal as part of a special promotion. But in general, one package, one toy. That’s the way it works, right?

Well, in 1984, Hasbro challenged this notion with the rarely remembered, but fondly recalled Battle Beasts. These simple thumb-sized toys came in packs of two, ensuring that right from the get-go, there was gonna be a pint-sized war.

　

Background

In the Land of the Rising Sun, from where the Battle Beasts hail, they are actually part of the Transformers series (called the Beast Formers, in no way related to the Beast Wars series…that we know of). But like most awesome toys in Japan, Hasbro came along and got the rights to distribute it worldwide. After what must have been whole minutes of brainstorming, the powers-that-be at Hasbro apparently decided that they didn’t want to ensure a guaranteed hit by tying the Battle Beasts in with the Transformers and launched them as their own line. The Battle Beasts did quite well for a bit, but like many of the 80s toy lines, it died a quiet death.

The Battle Beasts were plentiful in design and style, but they all were anthropomorphic animals in battle armor. Many had a hand replaced with a weapon (as evidenced by our little rhino guy who has a mace for a hand) and the others came with little weapons that were all too easy to lose (as evidenced by their absence from the picture). Each figure also had a heat-sensitive logo that revealed what element they belonged to (think of Battle Beasts as a big game of Paper-Rock-Scissors; Fire beats Wood, Wood beats Water, Water beats Fire). Which characters had which element though was random, so it was possible to have the same figure three times, each with a different element. This led to some weird combinations, such as a shark with the Wood element, but whatever.

Battle Beasts’ big selling aspect, though, was that they came in pairs. Right from the start, you were good to go (unless by sheer happenstance you happened to get two warriors of the same element). While there were vehicles and bases (which I never owned, but DESPERATELY wanted…thanks for nothing, Santa), Battle Beasts are mostly known for the paired packaging that made play immediate with a single purchase.

　

Appearance – 3 out of 5

These little guys are surprisingly detailed for being an inch and a half tall. Pretty much everything except the soles of their feet have texture and most characters are painted with three or four colors. The armor designs are pretty generic, but are all stylistically similar and include little notches, spikes, tubes, or other features to encourage imaginative interpretations of their powers.

Construction – 4 out of 5

These little guys are tough. They’re made out of single plastic, so they’re quite sturdy. The plastic is just soft enough that you don’t have to worry about puncturing skin if you step on one with your bare feet, but don’t expect these things to get crushed in the process. They’re quite hardy and very resilient.

Movement – 1 out of 5

For as great as these little toys are, they can’t move worth a damn. All figures have two joints: linear shoulder joints. Heads can turn, legs can’t bend, nothing.

Extras – 2 out of 5

Judging the extras is a wee bit picky because some figures came with a weapon and some didn’t. Those that did not usually came with a weapon equipped (like a drill instead of a left hand). The weapons were usually single pieces of plastic of one color, so they weren’t anything to write home about.

Packaging – 2 out of 5

The Battle Beasts’ packaging was pretty generic. It had a hand-drawn image of the war between two unidentified factions, and a plastic cover showing the two beasts in the package. On the back was an extremely rudimentary explanation of the basic setting, but most of the space was given up to explaining the color-changing decals. There was no real explanation for the plot, why the factions were fighting, or exactly how the factions formed. Or how the decals played into the fight. For example, how did my Lion being a Water element somehow trump my rhino who is a Fire element? Do the decals imbue magical powers? It’s unanswered.

　

Overall – 3 out of 5

Where these any other toys, they probably would have gotten a Two. But the Battle Beasts’ ruggedness, when coupled with their size, makes them too ideal. Yeah, they can’t move, but they’re the size of your thumb! Plus, the color-changing decals made the little figures into an advanced form of Paper-Rock-Scissors, which I believe was a precursor to so many of the toy/video game/collectible combat games that are all the rage now.